Everyday Changes

Why does it always happen around November or December? Why does it feel like I'm drowning all of the time? When did I become the walking corpse that I am? Two days ago, the day after Christmas, my grandmother "cut" her wrists and blamed her grand-kids. I have a complicated relationship with my family. Every year since I left for college, honestly probably before that but college is the fist I really remember, my grandmother has attempted suicide.  She's done it so often that it's becoming like the little girl who cried wolf.  And I know how terrible that sounds...I get it! It's gross! But I can only give so much of myself to this insanity before I've given up completely.  And right now I've given up completely.  See, she first took to good ol' Facebook and exclaimed to the world how her family is the worst and no one cares about her at all, she's sick and has been vomiting and what not for days...she literally wrote this in a Facebook stat...

I recently wrote this blog for a friend's blog.  It got me to thinking that maybe I should just start writing my own stuff. We'll see how this goes. Shout out to the Seattle band Kelsey Sprague for inspiring the title of this blog with their touching song.  To those of you who know me, some of these things might come as a surprise.  But maybe it will all make sense… To those who don’t know me, hi! I swear I’m okay. I’m working on things. And maybe with this blog,  we can work together to break all of the stigmas of mental health. Back in September (2019), I felt like I had finally hit my bottom (little did I know that that wasn’t my bottom at all). I decided to seek out therapy for the first time.  See, about 3 years ago, I went to my primary care doctor for anxiety. Sure she helped, but she just put me on Zoloft and that was it. I went to see her monthly to make sure everything was fine.  And for the most part it was. My anxiety levels were ...